As I Stated I am a Female To Male transsexual. I live as a male and , for all intents
and purposes I am a man. I just have a female body. I do not appear female, no one ever mistakes me for one on an every day
basis. Fully clothed I am a man to everyone around me. So why do I out myself? Because it is the right thing to do. I do not
wish to deceive any one. Though presenting myself as a male is fully natural to me and not in any way deceitful , I can understand
how many people would believe that I am being a liar. So I like to be honest with people I am going to have recurring interactions
On the other hand I want to educate people about Transsexuals. Both FTMs and MTFs (male
to females) have a difficult life. It is very stressful to not be what you know you are meant to be. It is lonely and depressing
many times. We are neglected by the mental health community and by the general health care community. Very few physicians
will treat us and any treatment for this illness must come out of our own pockets. Health insurance does not consider this
disorder anything but cosmetic surgery. Gender Identity Disorder is painful to those who have to live every day in this limbo
between the genders. Slowly but surely we are showing the world that this is a serious and legitimate disorder which deserves
treatment just as much as any other illness. None of us asked for this, we did not choose it and we cannot just will it away.
I always knew I was a boy. I would imagine myself growing up to be a man. I fought hard
against being dressed up in dresses and frills. I was a tom boy. When I began growing breasts I was devastated. I withdrew
more into my fantasy life and avoided my peers. I was a very lonely child and became an extremely lonely adolescent. I was
the weirdo, the outsider. I did not fit in. I cringed evertime someone called me "she".... I swirled into depression.
When the Mental Heath System got its claws into me I was told that they would not deal with
my gender Identity Disorder until I dealt with my other issues ( which were mostly because of my GID) I was stuck.....but
that is another story..
I eventually sought help on my own. I was already living as a male and I wanted to start
on Testosterone. I began treatment with my current therapist and started on T shortly there after ( about three years ago).
The T helped me grow facial and body hair and lowered my voice. It also increased my libido and elevated my mood...hey it
helped my depression even more that I counted on!!!
Now I live and look like a male.....as long as I don't take my clothes off. I wish I could
afford SRS but debt form my mental hospital years still prevents me from achieving that right now....maybe someday. At least
I am a lot more comfortable with myself than I ever was. Living like this is not totally devastating anymore. Not now that
I have the right support, and now that I can "pass" without question on a daily basis.
Hey if you are able I could use the help to get out of debt....see my "contact me" page.....